Arachnophobia
by Shadow Mage Evelyn
Summary: A peaceful morning turns a bit terrifying for our favorite blonde haired chemist. Post movie. Extremely short ONESHOT. Please review!


Wrote this little number after my experience today when a spider the size of a frickin _quarter_ crawled under the desk at my work. Needless to say, I stayed as faaaar away from the desk as possible. (shudders)

Plus, the icky bit in _His Back_ was such a hit that I thought I should expand upon it a little more. Slightly OOC (and perhaps a bit too girly?) Edward, but it was so much fun to write!

Please review!!

**Arachnophobia**

It was a peaceful weekend morning in the Elric apartment. The sun, and Alphonse, had been up for a few hours, and the younger Elric sat at the dining table, the _New York Times_ spread out before him, a cup of coffee steaming off to the side. Though his body was trapped at thirteen, some of Alphonse's tastes were seventeen. Off to his right, the large bay window was wide open, allowing some cooling air to waft through the room and bringing with it the sounds of the birds. Alphonse turned away from his paper a moment to look out the window with a content sigh. He and his brother had only been in New York for a little while since leaving Germany, but already it was beginning to feel like home. The apartment complex in which they were living was a quiet, serene little building without too much excitement or danger. After the life the two had had, Alphonse was far too happy to have this life.

He jumped up in alarm, banging his knee hard on the table, when he heard a bloodcurdling scream echo from his older brother Edward's room. Only a second later, Edward came flying out into the hallway, bed sheet draped around his pajama-clad frame and his long golden blonde hair mussed from sleep. Alphonse started towards the clearly distraught eighteen year old only to be taken down in a flying tackle.

"B-brother??" Alphonse inquired, confused and slightly winded from the force of his brother's blow. The older Elric was perched on his younger brother's chest with his eyes squeezed shut and he was trembling uncontrollably.

"What's the matter?" Alphonse continued.

"Uwaaaaaaah!!" Edward eked out, burying his face in Alphonse's shirt, his voice high in his distress. "Spider!! Spider on the wall!!"

Alphonse blinked wordlessly for a few moments.

"What?"

"Spider!! On the wall!! Spider!!"

"Brother…"

Alphonse pushed his brother off of him and stood up, only to have Edward suction himself to the younger Elric's leg.

"Brother, you need to calm down. Now, where is the spider?"

"On the wall!!"

"In your room?"

"Yesyesyesyesyes!!"

"Which wall?"

"By the bed!! Kill it!! Please kill it!! Oh dear God, _killitkillitkillit_!!!"

"I'm trying to, Brother, but…you have to let go of my leg first…"

Edward complied wordlessly, rising to cling to Alphonse's back and to shuffle down the hallway after him. Alphonse suppressed the urge to roll his eyes.

A few seconds later, they arrived at Edward's bedroom door and Alphonse took a look around, seeing nothing.

"Brother…are you _sure _there was a spider in here?"

"Yes!! I swear it!!"

"…I don't see it...where was it?"

"Over there!"  
Edward pointed towards the far wall that his bed rested against. Alphonse started that direction.

"Where?"

"There!"

After a few minutes of searching in vain, Alphonse turned to look at his brother who stayed by the door.

"Brother, I don't see it. You're going to have to come over here and show me."

"Huh-uh!"

Edward shook his head frantically and tightened the blanket around his shoulders, refusing to budge.

"Edward! You're eighteen years old! Now come over here!"

Edward continued to shake his head. He wasn't going to get any closer to that little monster. Alphonse sighed and put his hands on his hips.

"Brother, if you want me to kill it, you have to come over here and show me where it is."

Edward made a whimpering noise and visibly squirmed as he stood there. Then, left with little other choice (he really wanted that thing dead!!), he scooted cautiously over towards the bed and stretched his arm out.

"It's right there!" he said, and as soon as he did so, he ran straight back to the door. Alphonse squinted and finally saw it. The little arachnid was only 2 millimeters in length, and that was including its legs. Alphonse looked back over at Edward incredulously.

"_That_ little thing??"

Edward whimpered and squirmed again, flailing his arms.

"Just kill it!!" he begged. Alphonse heaved a heavy, burdensome sigh, and then turned around, smashing the little creature with the palm of his hand.

"There, it's dead."

Edward gave him a look. Alphonse sighed and grabbed some Kleenex, wiping the smudge away and throwing the whole bundle into the wastebasket.

"Okay, it's gone."

"Thank you," Edward grumbled, hunching his shoulders up and shuddering.

Alphonse moved past him, patting his shoulder.

"You've really got to get over this phobia, Brother. They're just spiders."

"But! But! They're _icky_!!"

Alphonse sighed.

"I know, but Brother, what are you going to do when I'm not living with you anymore?"

"…Call you up so that you can come and kill them?"

"…What if I live out of state? Or I can't get there right away?"

"…I'm sure they'll happily wait under the cup for you."

"Edward, come on. What are you going to do? Trap them under cups until the next time that I visit?"

"…yes?"

"Edward…"

"But! But! They're _icky_!!"

Alphonse only sighed, shook his head, and walked away.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Don't worry, Ed! In a few decades, they'll invent vacuum sweepers, and then you can suck the little bastards up without getting anywhere near them! (nod) (nod)


End file.
